Mitchell: Ahhh we have been together for, guh, five-- five years now? And uh we-- we just decided that we really wanted to have a baby. So we initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate but--
Cameron: Then we figured, they're already mean enough, can you imagine one of them pregnant?
Mitchell: Don't think so.
Cameron: No thank you, ick! 

Phil: Kids, get down here!
Haley: Why are you guys yelling at us? We were way upstairs, just text me.
Claire: Alright, that's not going to happen and...wow, you're not wearing that outfit.
Haley: What's wrong with it?
Claire [to Phil]: Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter about her skirt?
Phil: Sorry. Oh yeah, it looks really cute sweetheart.
Haley: Thanks.
Claire [to Haley]: No, it's way too short. People know you're a girl; you don't need to prove it to them.

Alex: Dear Miss Dunphy, we regret to inform you...
Haley: What? Don't leave me hanging!

Lily (talking about Bunny): He doesn't have a girlfriend, he has a boyfriend.
Cam and Mitchell: Awwwwwww.

Claire: I did cartwheels.
Phil: Without me? 

Mitchell [to Cam]: How cool would it be if you turned into Wonder Woman right now?

Haley: Proms are lame, it's just an excuse for dressed up dorks to ride in limos and hump each other.

Haley: Dylan and I were wondering if we could move in together. Luke: Are you doing sex? 

Phil: Luke can you give us a minute?

Phil [to Alex]: Always keep the rhythm in your feet and a little party in your shoulders.

Claire: You look adorable!
Alex: Adorable? I'm not a puppy.