Cam: More like Little Bo Cheap. 
 
Phil[After he and Mitchell pop a lock on a window of Mitchell & Cameron's house, of which they are locked out] If you show enough houses you learn all the tricks. Every Realtor is just a ninja in a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere, but not me...I'm completely clueless.
 
Claire [to Jay]: The way we compete with each other is sick! Two 13-year-olds knew how to take advantage of us.
 
Cam: I'm sorry but you know I have two weakness: children cursing and old people rapping!
 
Phil: Some voters find Claire angry and unlikeable. To those voters I would say...wait till she reads this.
 
Luke: You yelled at my teacher for calling me special.
Claire: Honey that wasn't a compliment.
 
Mitchell: I'm so glad I spoke to Alex because she agreed with every single thing that I was saying...which made me realize that I was acting like 14-year-old...girl.
 
Jay [to Claire]: You came out of the womb like that. I'm not entirely sure there wasn't a twin in there that you bumped off.
 
Claire [to Luke]: Honey don't you think it's weird that one of your friends is an 80-year-old man?
 
Jay: This is a lot of hocus pocus, I can't believe I bought a coffee cake over this!!!